Before it happened to me, unhappy marriage, divorce and cheating, are things I see on the Tv, magazine or radio and sometimes from people.
What happened to my marriage is something hard to believe, and that was why I gave up everything for my husband.
My husband was a senior Human Resources management officer in an aperrel company. He’s tall and cute with an alluring smile he wore often on his face. To make the story short, he was to me, the actual definition of what every woman wants in a man, was lovely and fun to be with. Things were well-going, until I saw the weirdest surprise of my life in marriage.
What happened to my marriage?
It feels bad to tell a sad story but I honestly have to let the cat go. Did my husband change so suddenly or was this part of him he has been hiding from me?
I was left with so many questions unanswered, up till now, I can’t still drive across answers to them.
I hear people say that a lot of married men cheat, I confidently exclude my ex-husband among the list of cheaters. I took him to be an honest gentleman who has shown me love and made me find worthiness in him.
A few years down into the marriage, I was beginning to see signs that make me think it was already the beginning to the end of my marriage. I didn’t give it a big thought. How can I possibly be slapping such thoughts on my very self you might ponder? Red flags were gradually popping out in my marriage, it seemed there’s something he was keeping away from me. He does not allow me access to his handset again, and many other strange characters never seized surfacing. Unlike before where he feels free to give me his phone to see a photograph of the day at work with his colleagues, or any other thing I feel like doing with it. Gone are those lovely moments, we could be caught kissing on the couch.
There’s this girl who calls and texts him often than usual. Her name on the phone was “secretary Lisa”, after a while, I decided to ask him about her. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to do so but things are really becoming frequent than usual and I don’t have to fold my arms and expect everything to get fixed by itself at the detriment of my marriage, so I had to complain to him about it.
Why does Lisa call and text you often even at late night? The very question I asked, that pissed him off so quickly – this was unlike him. Why did you ask? He responded after a partial delay, I informed him I was just wondering why she would keep contacting him all the time. Doesn’t she know you’re a married man? His responses were suspicious, every woman has at least a way of knowing when her man is lying or saying the truth, my kind of woman is not exceptional. I wasn’t comfortable with his responses. He might be having a skeleton in his cupboard.
Obviously, he was keeping a secret in our marriage, I have seen him display some breakup signs but I wasn’t too sure at the moment what it could result to anytime soon. Is he having an affair with her, is my husband a cheat? I decided not to believe any at the moment, as I needed proof that my husband is cheating on me with someone else.
How I found out my ex-husband was a cheat
We both have gone our separate ways and there’s actually no need painting word in my own favour, to present myself as just, but this time around the cause is obvious. It is odd to badmouth people simply because they’re no longer in a relationship with you I clearly understand. Honesty is a modality I consider pertinent in every dealing.
I know you might have been wondering “why I gave up on my marriage?“
So here’s what actually happened, I found out he cheated on me with a woman who attended the same event with us.
Here’s it, uh it hurts really deep inside the heart but maybe we’re not meant to be, and life goes on.
My husband had sex with someone we both attended a ceremony with. It was on a Tuesday when we both returned from a friend’s marriage ceremony. He came back with a woman we met at the ceremony, who he said pleaded with him to spend the night in our apartment because it was already late for her to find her way home. She’s not staying in the neighborhood he added.
The young woman was introduced to me as his long-time high school friend, he’s seeing her for the very first time in 6 years after they both left high school.
But why will this woman come over to our house for a night I was a little bit worried but didn’t counter her stay, perhaps we have a room for her “GUEST ROOM”.
We all went home after the introductions and pleasantries, I took my bath and looked out for my bed, he joined me not long after. I was feeling tired and sleepy, our guest was already in the guest room. I did just hope she’s comfortable staying at our place.
The next morning, I woke up and saw something that broke the camel’s back when I went down to the guest room, for a clean up immediately I was through mobbing our bedroom. While dressing the room, I saw used condoms, and my husband’s bracelet was placed on the bed equally. What was his bracelet doing in the guest room and did this lady come in here with a man last night? I’m pretty sure no man came with her.
The puzzle was just too complex for me to understand, my heart was already boiling and my feet slapping the floor. I felt cold in my palms and it seems to me I was beginning to have a fever so quickly. So he has been cheating on me all these while? This most be the so-called “secretary Lisa” I guessed. what have I done wrong in marriage to deserve this?
Should I join other women to say that all men are cheats because now I have nursed one for several years? This was actually the moment I feel like giving up in marriage.
I walked up to him while he was still laying on the bed, you’ve been cheating on me hu? Why did you decide to treat me this way, what have I done wrong to deserve this, can you answer me? He was shocked and mute he didn’t utter a word, so this is what you have been doing behind my back, sleeping around with some random girls out there? It is over between us, tears rolled down my chin as I lean on the door helplessly thinking about all that I have given in. He was beginning to stammer, trying to explain how it all happened but I was never interested in knowing how and why? If he loved me, he wouldn’t have done that, I felt like a sharp spear was forced through my tiny heart. Someone who’ve been cheated on before can relate easily with my marriage story and how heartbreaking it can be.
The day I gave up on marriage
I gave up on marriage, the moment I was able to realize the truth and the importance of keeping positives around my thoughts, minding my wellbeing to carry on and be happy, as the best options in life.
I don’t want to be seen torn apart trying to fix a cheating husband, something that is not at reach. To continue the relationship, I would have to spend the whole days of my life panicking about a man who cheats in marriage, that’s absurd. This is way too far from what I can bear, there’s nothing I can do to change a cheating husband and bring things back to track again (the good us together).
Although, the possibility of one person only, to fix a failing marriage is yet unknown. Since it’s nothing to him, me fixing it alone can be unachievable.
It is true that I have given a lot of tolerance, patience and therapy, fighting to save my marriage, but I just discovered its high time I have to work on saving myself first. It is but a matter of choice and the decision to move on with my life, all I needed was a divorce.
Life after divorce might be terrifying. I’m aware of the challenges it may throw at me but that’s the best option I could think as the way out of an unhappy marriage. You’ll get over it with time and things will normalize for you – my inner self spoked to me.
Life after I gave up on marriage
I’ve given up on marriage doesn’t mean that I have given up on life… I persisted and I have won myself free from marriage that drags. Life still exists void of marriage.
Please do not ask me about my ex-husband, how ‘s he doing? I’m not here to compare between me and him who now lives a better life. I have been in no contact with him, I’m just glad it’s that way.
Since we went our separate ways, I’ve been lately committed to making new moves and diverse plans for my future. Building the kind of life I’ve always wanted for myself.
When I look back in time (my past rooted in pains), I picture all I have been through, the love, loss, suffering, deception and cheating, I know I really have suffered a lot. But now I’m grateful to be where I’m and decisions I made to save my life from marriage agonies.